Comparing is a form of violence

“If only I had…”

“If only I could…”

“If only I could be more like her, like him, like them,”

Anyone but ourselves.

Such self-condemnation.

Imagine saying this to your best friend.

Or your child.

“Why don’t you have more money in your bank account?”

“Why haven’t you achieved more?”

“Why aren’t you in better shape?”

Can you imagine?

We wouldn’t have any friends.

Who wants to be around so much negativity?

And we— especially women— are constantly comparing ourselves,

our inner selves with the outer selves of those around us.

I used to own a women’s clothing line and a boutique.

I saw and heard it all.

“I can’t wear that… I am too fat, too thin, too tall, short” — too anything other than what they were.

We used to put up signs in the dressing room saying, “You have the perfect body for you.”

Even as I write this, I can remember all the times that I have wished to not stand out so much.

I am 5’10” and very thin— “skinny,” some say.

I have wanted so many times to be invisible.

To go unnoticed.

To be someone else.

I always look to nature in these moments.

As far as I know, the Linden tree outside my house in not comparing itself to the grass growing directly underneath, and the dandelions popping up everywhere.

Each one is using all its energies being, and becoming more of itself.

Fabulous, for us all to appreciate!

I want to be like the tree, or the grass, and even especially the dandelion, as it transforms itself so magically into more of itself.

There is no comparing, no better or worse.

Simply occupying space, and adding to the beauty of the world.

My wish is that we do the same.