Why do we stay attached to behaviours that are not good for us?
We get some form of payoff.
It might not be visible or tangible.
Some payoffs are invisible and / or intangible.
But there is always a payoff.
We work too hard so that someone will say..
“Oh… you are working too hard. Take a rest.”
You are recognized for your socially accepted— even applauded— addiction.
I am a recovering workaholic.
I am a “type A” in recovery.
Losing myself to, and in, my work was a great escape.
A way of feeling important.
A way of avoiding the sticky bits of life.
A way of feeling safe.
In control.
At the helm.
“Staying busy” was a way of shutting others out, and shutting down my feelings.
Pushing away the discomforts of not knowing, uncertainty and the uncomfortable.
Knowing or convincing myself that “I knew” was safer than “I have no idea…”
Pushing myself into, and through, exhaustion was a way of avoiding myself.
Martyred dissociation.
A praise-worthy form of disconnection.
I used to get angry as my son lost himself in his computer or video games.
I could not see my own patterns.
I was working hard for the family.
I was setting a good example.
Hard work ethic.
Earn your breaks.
Stop only when sick.
Ironically, the break found me.
I was not listening.
I was hearing what I wanted to hear.
But I was not listening.
My body was tired…. so tired.
My mind was constantly going.
Churning out thoughts… incessantly.
I was burning out, and up, from the inside out.
We don’t praise drug addicts or alcoholics, but we praise workaholics.
We give them awards.
We give them everything.
We feed their addictions with our adulation and adoration.
We put them on pedestals.
We want to be like them.
Until they have a crash— mental or physical.
Then we wonder, “What happened?”
Secretly relieved that it was not us crashing.
The pay-back for the payoff is catching up.
We do not get to escape it.
It happens sooner to some.
Later for others.
But we do not get to use our body as a credit card,
paying back only minimal monthly payments with no
repercussions. or consequences.
Imagine if you treated your credit card the way you treat your body.
Your credit card company would take your card away.
I was just talking to my 19-year-old about credit cards.
He says many of his friends have them, and they all carry debt.
He said, “How does this happen?
I know they are smart, and understand math.”
Our eyes are bigger than our stomachs.
We want it now.
The consequences are invisible.
Understanding a theory is one thing.
Putting it into practice in real life is a whole other thing.
Theory exists in our head.
We control it, and its unfolding.
Living life involves other people.
We do not control all the variables.
The theoretical reality in our heads is neat, organized, tidy, and contained.
Reality, outside of our heads, is just the opposite.
Messy, unorganized, chaotic, and all over the place.
Paying back usually comes with some level of resentment.
And feeling of frustration.
Why have our bodies let us down?
Why do we need to stop?
Why can’t we just keep going like before?
It’s like being mad at the credit card company for charging full interest
for the money you owe.
Imagine if we had to pay back 17% of what we over-spent in our energetic lives every year?
What if we were taught that in school?
What if we knew and understood the consequences of not listening to our body’s limits?
What if we taught that level of listening and respect in school?
We would not have a society that’s burnt out.
We would not have as many heart attacks.
We would not have people falling over from pushing too hard for too long.
We, as a collective, pay for this madness.
We pay higher taxes for medical interventions, which could be addressed through
“pre-hab,” a term coined by my friend Georgia.
We need to get clear on the real costs of staying addicted to being overly busy.
And we need to see over-work for what it is:
Addiction.
We see this much less in Europe and South America, where the culture still puts self and family first.
North America prides itself on doing more, harder and longer.
Testosterone on steroids.
Let’s really think about these payoffs, pay-backs and payouts as we move forward as individuals, and as a society.
Ducit Amore 