Vulnerability is like the sun.
It is a good thing.
And too much …is well too much.
Just as we can get sun burned,
we can also get vulnerability burned.
Let me explain.
I am all for being open.
Honest.
Clear and truthful.
I share my caring without even trying.
I have always believed in the positive aspects of vulnerability,
and yet I am also aware of my need for protection.
As an empath, and introvert, I don’t need to do
vulnerability,
I was born vulnerable.
Also, I am very thin.
I have no physical padding-protection between
myself and the world.
As an empath, my boundaries are more porous than most.
I need to have physical practices in place to maneuvre in the world.
Or I risk dissipating my energies.
I feel the world.
good and bad.
happy and sad.
All the time.
It is an intense experience of the world.
And it is beautiful.
I also walk around with a big open heart.
I remember Danielle La Porte writing
“Big Open Heart, Big fucking Fence”
Boundaries……
They are the essential teammate to our open hearts,
Boundaries are as essential to our vulnerability as our open heart.
I believe that we can only be as vulnerable as our fence is strong.
I remember hearing Newtons third law of physics when I was mentally preparing to birth my son. “for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction”.
I knew that I would need to physically push against something as the internal pressure increased.
It’s all about balance.
There needs to be an equal and opposite reaction to our vulnerability.
And yet this topic somehow seems taboo.
The new age movement has us believing that we can just “be open”.
Be loving.
Be present.
I agree.
For the most part.
And, not but, the other side of the conversation is often omitted.
Just as we require connection through vulnerability.
We also require separation through practicing boundaries.
Let us remember the consequences of free sex with no condoms.
Protection is a good thing.
Our love, our hearts and our vulnerability require a safe container.
We have to provide that for ourselves.
Imagine a beautiful fountain.
The water is contained.
It is not flowing into the streets.
We need the walls around the fountain to hold all the water flowing through
and allow it to recycle back up.
Back to the sun analogy.
Now, while everybody’s tolerance to the sun is different.
Due to pigmentation, genetics etc.
Everyone experiences a limit.
There is a too much point for everyone.
As a fair skin nordic woman, my brother an ENT
often says, it is not a matter of if but when I will have some form
of skin cancer emerge.
The consequences of too much sun at an early age.
The paybacks for wanting to be tan in my high school graduation photo.
You never know what things are going to cost at that age.
We all need some form of sunscreen.
Hats, sunglasses, SPF of varying degrees.
Going unprotected will cost us.
Somewhere.
Somehow.
After too much sun, we need the cooling balm of aloe vera.
Cold water.
Staying inside.
I remember watching a documentary on U2.
There is a stage in Bono’s career where he decides to be more vulnerable
in his singing.
Share more from his heart.
This is where the sunglasses, and clothing armour come in.
We all need protection.
I need to wear sunglasses.
Almost always.
I had a pterigion removed from my left eye.
The result of skiing on glaciers with no sunglasses.
I was too cool for school.
Now, I need protection.
My sunglasses also provide a layer of soul protection for me.
Soul screen.
I do not want to look at everyones eyes.
Nor do I want them looking at mine.
They are my windows to my soul.
I get to choose who looks in.
In the winter, I revel in wearing many scarves.
Often several at a time.
They keep me warm, and they cover my heart and my throat.
I feel protected.
And safe.
I am my own container.
I no longer want to feel selfish about this stance.
It is a requirement for me to be self FULL.
Only then can I be of real service.
I just came back from an amazing life altering retreat.
“On being human” with Jennifer Pastiloff.
I was open.
It felt good.
I learned amazing things.
I connected with fabulous women.
AND.
I came back needing to cocoon.
Retreat into my new self.
contain.
and cover up for a few days.
literally and figuratively.
I needed metaphorical aloe vera.
The vulnerability in my sharing felt honest, real and appropriate.
And yet I still required self balming.
Self containment.
Self connection.
During and after.
I see so many of us struggle with this part.
The need for self integration after a period of
being really out there.
Big self exposure.
It is ok to need protection.
It is ok to need to re-fill your sense of self-connection.
Sunscreen and aloe.
Both help us to enjoy the sun more safely, and more comfortably.
Enjoy the sun, and your own vulnerability.
And love your protection.
Whatever form.
Sun screen and soul screen.
Own your own vulnerability.
Ducit Amore 